It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
