I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
