DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
