ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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