Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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