508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
