the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
