K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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