Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
