Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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