Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
