I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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