I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
