he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
