fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm too high and old for this...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
