It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
