Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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