So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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