Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
