I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
