I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Fuck appropriateness.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
