dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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