she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
