I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
