I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
