how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
