Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
