I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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