alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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