he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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