I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
