her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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