if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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