In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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