WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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