so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
