Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
