She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
