Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
