It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
