There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
