whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
