Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
