I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
