Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
