im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
