You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
