There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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