oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
