Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize