I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
