party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
