just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
