...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
