My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My liver just had a heart attack.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
