We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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