she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize