No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
