well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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