That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
