So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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