I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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