My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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