a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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