Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
