his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
