my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize