what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
