I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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