You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
