i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize