the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
