I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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