...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
