it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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