You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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