she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
