Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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