Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
