Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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