He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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