its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
