4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
