Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Couch. On fire.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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