she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Rumble strips road head = magical
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
