he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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