if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize