I threw up into my coffee this morning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
