Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
