I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize