Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
