Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
