She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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