u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
