I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sober January is a disaster.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
