what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
